It's the final day and I'm counting down the final hours of the most grueling, treacherous, depleting, jaw clenching, and eye twitching year of my life. Ironically, I'm doing it now relaxed in my PJs, having just enjoyed my flown home from the USA mac and cheese and a nice cup of tea. I'll soon move on to dessert: Skittles! By the way, it's only 10 o'clock in the morning. I've decided that for my big New Year's bash, I'll meditate my way into 2018 and think about what can be. What can I create to make myself happier and my life more fulfilling in the new year to be? I can tell you, it won't take much to get things improving.
Closing my eyes now, I'm imagining more me time to do the things I haven't been able to in years like reading, writing, sitting in silence, and escaping the frenzy. I imagine a Jess more physically fit who has time for quick daily jaunts and weekend trekking. I imagine myself no longer running from one job and activity to another. I imagine not making excuses for not writing and instead utilizing my creativity for pleasure and purpose in creating my dreams of publishing. I imagine more quality time, energy, and presence with my beautiful daughter who I love more than anything. I imagine making a budget, paying off debt, and being financially free. I imagine sleeping - sleeping in, sleeping well, sleeping as much as I feel is necessary. I imagine having time to just be "boring" in a routine and to cook dinner for myself and my daughter and sit in front of our TV. I imagine having the chance to vacay with my family during the summer to some place new and entertaining. I imagine my new apartment feeling light, safe, warm, comfortable, inspiring, stable, and inviting. I imagine letting go of the pain and hardship of choosing separation then separating and focusing instead on my commitment to continue towards living more authentically regardless of the obstacles presented in front of me. I imagine my father, even in death, standing right beside me. There's finally no other place he can be. I imagine sharing with him all and everything about my life that he never did see and keeping his ashes close to remind me. I imagine more time for connection with those around and closest to me. And last, but not least, I imagine and hope for more peace, clarity, and understanding within myself and this chaotic world and society in which we all share and are living.
So here's cheers to 2017 for showing me what I'm capable of withstanding and the changes I need to make to live what I'd rather be living. Moving forward with strength, hope, courage, love, compassion, and ease. Happy New Year 2018!