Ready for 40!
Updated: 6 days ago
My journey to 40 has been years in the making. Initially, its arrival was frightening, so I worked on making sure that I got to this number happy with who I am, where I'm at, and where I'm going, and it turns out that that, in itself, took a whole lot of shifting. There was no checklist really, but it may have started with the covid crisis, which pushed me into reflection. That's what happens when you're in quarantine for months on end. What became clear quickly is that I really only have a few things in my life that are important to me and my energy should be spent focused on them rather than on any other distractions.
I've strayed from mainstream and social media because it really no longer interests me to the same degree. I'm seeking greater personal growth and knowledge and I don't think it can be found in virtual reality. I've also made some conscious choices about the number of people I am in contact with. I only surround myself with others who are supportive and growing on their personal paths. Having strong, motivated, and inspiring people around you really makes a difference, so it's important to take note of how and who we share our energy with.
Heading towards 40, I've spent a lot of time soul searching, asking questions, receiving energy work, writing, and chatting with close friends and family. I've worked on healing past hurts and loving myself completely in order to show up in this world as the person I would like to receive if I bumped into me. It's been a long road, but I have arrived at a place of great internal love and this is important because I'm now able to radiate and give back to those who need it most. Not only do I want to show up as Aurora's best mother, but I want to show up as an exceptional teacher who is able to guide and support students fully.
I recently finished my request for Italian citizenship so that I can try to move from a private school into the public system and put my skills to better use for those who can benefit from them. I've always loved my job, but my recent experience at a low-level high school was the first time in a while that I felt my heart sing and I knew that this was the direction I should be heading. These kids are full of societal labels and setbacks, but they have beautiful souls that are also full of potential. I have no idea what's happening in their personal lives or homes, but these kids are our future, and even if it's only a small part or short-lived, I'd love to be a point of reference, understanding, and knowledge for them while they're receiving their education. I think so many other people and teachers may have given up and abandoned them.
My road to 40 has not only been about internal work, but externally, my life has also changed its look. I spent most of 2020 living in my kitchen after it became both my eating area and home office, however, I couldn't take confinement to one room, especially when I have decent-sized apartment, so I decided to buy a desk and put it in my living room to switch up my home environment. The desk was white and it didn't match my other decor, which was old brown antique furniture, so that meant selling, painting, and altering some more. One year later, I finally finished my complete apartment makeover. It turns out that redoing my physical space was important so that I could let go of the things I'd once had with my previous partner and so that I could decorate everything exactly as I desired. There was no compromising on how to have it like I had done so many times the years before. I now have a very basic white and grey apartment and that's just how I want it. The cleanout process also meant purging objects and I let go of all of them but the very basics in order to have a lighter, cleaner, and more scaled-down home space that better represents who I have become in my transformation process.
My 20s were absolute bliss. It's easy to say that this was certainly my best life period in terms of joy, fun, and freedom. Running wild with my best friend was one of my favorite life experiences. It was followed up though by my tumultuous 30s in which I apparently had a lot to learn and grow from. A move around the world, a marriage, a baby, and a divorce took its toll, so please universe, give me a break for a while! I was happy to say goodbye to the 30s and going into 40, I think that my greatest accomplishment is that I've never stayed in anything that makes me unhappy. No job, relationship, or country has been able to keep me if it didn't fulfill me entirely. I have lived my truth completely and that is what I believe success in life to be. I don't intend to amass a large quantity of stuff or money in this lifetime, but I will continue to strive to be my best self and to do so honestly.
I will probably never fully connect to the number 40 because I don't seem to fit with what society said I should have, be, or look like at this point in life. I also realize that I constantly need growth and change to be happy, so I'm probably going to be 50 different people in this lifetime with a myriad of experiences, but I have accepted that. I have no choice but to continue to proceed ahead seeking more truth and clarity, and living whatever is currently necessary for my own personal growth and development, and I send to any and all of you who may be reading this, the love and strength that you might need in order to listen and follow your calling without fear of changing direction once again, and again and again, for our never-ending personal enlightenment and evolutions.