Updated: May 7
It’s a number with which I don’t resonate.
I know it’s just a figure, two shapes on paper,
but it’s getting big, it’s getting high, and it’s ringing in my ears as the days pass by.
How did time fly so fast as to arrive at such a fate as 38? I just can’t accept this number with which I don’t associate.
Wasn’t I 25 like yesterday?
The rise of the digits and the sound of their presence is the great conundrum of getting older, and as my birthday draws closer to the date of yet another even larger ever-growing number,
I want to just reflect, but I feel like I’m going into full on panic.
What if I’ve lived almost half of my life on this planet?
I‘ve spent and still spend much of my time learning.
I graduated from a university.
I guess they thought at some point I’d learned enough information to be degree-worthy.
I’ve worked many jobs of different types and various lengths. The longest was eight years in a bank where I realized I hate plastic environments, being trapped in beige cubicles, and locked into a routine and corporate conformity. I’ll never go back to that way of living.
I’ve felt lots of forms of love and found one soulmate.
Riyana is her name.
We met when we were 12 and we still talk daily.
I moved halfway around the world to try my hand at love.
It wasn't forever, but I‘m happy to have discovered what this relationship had to offer. I’ll never have to wonder.
I love Italy with my whole being. It’s the only place I’ve felt at home completely.
The scenery, weather, wine, and pasta perfection. I’ll take seconds!
I have a job teaching and it keeps me energized and surrounded by new people, situations, and settings.
I didn't know it before I started, but it’s right for me.
I don't even feel like I’m working.
I got pregnant and ruminated in the awe of creation.
The mystical and almost magical event of conception.
I gave birth to another human and my life changed forever as I knew it.
The ever evolving road of motherhood and mothering has sometimes been the only thing that keeps me going. The desire to improve and to work continuously harder for this other little life which is so important to look after.
I have to be strong, healthy, and happy so that Aurora can always shine brightly!
Money? What about it?
I’m sure I’ve made lots of it, but the memories in my head are the only thing to show for it.
They were worth it.
I’ve laid down my credit card till I was underwater in debt on multiple occasions simply because I live in the moment and overlook repercussions. I bought a convertible one day as a second car just so my best friend and I could ride around for the fun of it.
I also once put 5k on a credit card to backpack with Riyana for a month around Europe.
Yet again, it was all worth it.
I still can’t seem to save money or invest in anything solid, and I’m not exactly sure where or how I‘ve spent it, however, I am sure I’ve spent all of it.
I don't regret the 20 countries I've visited, nor what it cost to see each one of them.
In fact, I’ll be seeing five per year for the next 30 in order to see the rest of them.
Money doesn’t matter after death. You might as well spend it while you can enjoy it.
It can always be remade again. I may end up having to work forever, but at least I spent it while I was alive to relish in its splendor.
I try to maintain very little attachment to physical possessions.
We come into this world and we leave without them.
I’m always ready to let them go if necessary at any second.
I never know where next I’ll find me.
Spontaneity is one of my favorite accessories.
There’s nothing better than letting positive surprises find me.
I don’t own a home and I feel very transient, which is why
you may see me one day with my backpack on again going to some other place on this planet.
I like the idea of always staying slightly nomadic.
At 27 different houses and counting however, I’m asking for the next one to be my last or my number of moves will soon surpass my age in enormousness.
I don't think I’d ever marry again.
I’ve accepted my own independence and that I may never be able to sustain a traditional type of relationship.
I also don’t need a legal document to prove that someone is my companion or to be reunited with my lawyer if/when things don’t pan out again.
The number is starting to seem a little less scary.
Could we even be friends maybe? I’m listening to what you’ve taught and what you are trying to teach me, which is why I may make another impulsive decision to do something daring or to find more things worth uncovering.
What are you going to bring me on this day?
Joy, gratitude, fun, and acceptance?
Challenges, rewards, or disappointments? I’m ready for all of them.
Life runs a gamut of experiences and I’ll fully live every single one of them.
I’ll continue to NOT settle on any easy way out and I’ll live all of my hearts desires whether or not they’re well understood by myself or others.
The best thing about this age is that I feel great and I clearly have a lot to celebrate. The biggest being that I’m on my right road and my personal power is radiating wildly as I let my intuition and self-love guide me.
In the end, with this year like each one prior, all I can do is embrace what I’ve already faced and accept what I’ll have the pleasure of enduring while curiously continuing on the journey and fate of at least another...